


I really need your love right now

by xoxoxo333



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angst, Feelings, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Love, M/M, Memory Loss, isak lost his memory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-28
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2019-02-08 04:22:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12856665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xoxoxo333/pseuds/xoxoxo333
Summary: Memory loss AUIsak and Even were in a car crash and Isak can't remember Even.





	I really need your love right now

**Author's Note:**

> i worked on this for a while and yeah, here it is!  
> ____________________________________________________  
> Based of 'The Vow' (which is based of a true story ♥)
> 
> hope you enjoy ♥♥

The streets were completely white. Everything was white. Everything was covered in snow. It was winter.

When we went home after the cinema, I had to wipe all the snow off our windshield. Isak already sat in the car and smiled at me from inside. _God this smile._

-„It’s good, it’s good“, he called out to me. After removing the rest of the snow, I jumped into the car. 

-„Even, I can’t feel my fingers“, Isak pouted. 

Without hesitation I took his hands between mine, guided them to my mouth and blowed warm air between the hands. 

„Is it better this way, baby?“ Even asked.

Isak nodded, smiled at me with sparkling eyes and gave me a short kiss on the mouth. 

As always, the radio was full of annoying pop songs, which everyone knew by heart because they was too often played. But that didn't stop Even from singing aloud. 

Isak raised his eyebrows. -„You do not like this song“ 

Even giggled at him, but kept singing. Only now much louder. 

-„Even!! You have to turn it off“, Isak laughed.

With his right hand he tickled Isak on the inside of his left thigh. “You love it!! Say you love it!” 

-„Stop!! Stop it!!” Isak couldn't stop laughing, and even if it's -8°C outside, it warmed Evens heart from the inside.

Now that they were both laughing and Even couldn't concentrate on driving anymore, he turned right into a parking lot. 

-“What are you doing?” Isak asked.

Even laughed quietly. „I have to stop for a second, I can't concentrate like this.“ 

-„Well.. we haven't done it in the car in the last months.“ Isak winked at him and hopefully raised his eyebrows. 

Even couldn't help but giggled when Isak opened his seat belt and tried to climb onto his lap. 

But just as Isak turned to him, something raced into their car and pushed they forward with full force. 

And then it's all black from here.

\--

When Even opened his eyes he saw many bright lights around him. He thought about where he was and then was sure in a hospital. Slowly he sat up and feel a strong pain on his temple which makes him twitch. 

“Fuck…“ Even groaned.

-„Even Bech Næsheim?“

He turned around and saw a tall man in a white coat in front of him.

-„I’m Dr. Fields. You are here at the East Hospital in Oslo. You had an accident and …“

He didn't listen to the man anymore. He wrinkled his forehead as he realized what happened.

_Oh my God, no!_

„Where is my husband?? Where is Isak??“

After the doctor did a few examinations to make sure Even was not injured, except for a few bruises and a slight concussion, he showed Even the way to the intensive care unit.

-„Your husband’s CT scan showed intracranial haemorrhaging. We purposely keep patiens with traumatic brain injuries in a comatose state in order to calm their systems and allow the brain time to heal itself while the swelling subsides … And then we slowly wean them off it. Now …”

The doctor kept talking but Even couldn't listen to him anymore. He couldn't concentrate on his words. He just wanted to see Isak. 

Looking up in front of the hallway he saw Mikael, Jonas and Eva looking at him shocked, just a few steps away.

-„Omg Even are you okay?? Is Isak okay??“ Eva asked, full of haste and worry.

„I- I’m fine but Isak—“

-„What about Isak??“ Jonas interrupted him and narrowed his forehead.

„I didn't know exactly yet, but I'm on my way to him. I'll let you know later, okay..?"

All three of them nodded and hugged him just before he walked along the hallway.

When Even finally stood in front of Isak's bed, his heart broke. His face was full of cuts and scars and a tube led to his mouth.

He sat slowly next to him on the bed and kissed his forehead tenderly. 

\--

Two hours later, Even was still sitting at Isak's bed. He wanted to wait until he woke up. Even though he would going to spend the rest of his life sitting at this fucking bed.

-„Don’t crowd him“ a nurse whispered over his shoulder. –„He’s gonna be a little groggy, so let’s just give him some space.“

But when Isak slowly opened his eyes and blinked against the bright light, Even couldn’t help but immediately said „Hey“ to him. 

Isak looks at him confused. Then he looked at the rest of the environment with great confusion in his eyes. 

-„God, it’s so good to see you“ it bursted out of Even. But Isak kept looking at him confused and helpless.

The nurse was now standing next to him. –„Isak it’s okay. You’re in the hospital. You were in a car accident. You hit your head, but you’re okay. We just kept you asleep for a little while.”

After a few seconds Even cleared his throat. „How do you feel?“ 

-„My head hurts“ he mumbled and Even looked at the nurse.

-„Yeah that’s normal. I’ll get you something for that okay?“ 

Isak nodded and turned to Even. –„Was anyone else hurt, doctor?“

Even frowned upon his forehead. „Isak? Isak you know who I am, right?”

-“Yeah you’re my doctor, aren’t you?”

Evens mouth slided open “I’m your husband”

Isak looked at him stunned from top to bottom. When Even reached out to him, Isak pulled away and realized that he is wearing a ring on his finger. He lifted his hand in front of his face, stared at the ring and then at Even again.

\--

The doctor came to meet him as he walked up and down the hallway in front of Isak's room.

-„Mr. Bech Næsheim?“

„You said things were very good!!”

-“A brain injury isn’t like a broken bone or a laceration. Brains are much less predictable. Sometimes, due to the way the swelling tissue presses against the skull, it can cause some impairment.”

“Some impairment??! He doesn’t remember me!!”

-“Even though he’s awake, the swelling can cause confusion or memory loss, erratic moods swings.”

“What??”

-“That’s normal”

He kept on talking, but Even stormed out of the glass door, ran a few more corridors and finally glided with his back against a wall onto the floor. He looked at his ring and senses how individual tears glided down his cheeks.

\--

As he was touched by fingertips on his shoulder, he turned around on the three chairs on which he was lying and stared into Isak's eyes.

„Hey!!“

-„What are you doing?” Isak asked.

“I’m sleeping”

Isak smiled at him briefly. -„Right“

„I brought you some clothes“ Even said as he holds Isak holding a bag. 

-„Oh yeah thank you …“

Even smiled at him, but narrowed his eyes as he recognized an expression in Isak's face that he had seen many times before. Something was wrong. 

„What are you thinking?“ Even asked.

Isak mumbled quietly. -„Um … I’m kind of hungry.“ 

“Okay then we will eat something. Come on.” Even smiled, got up and picked up his backpack.

…

-„So, I just wanted to verify a few things with you about me … about us.”

“Yeah of course. Just ask.”

-“So … we are married?”

“Yes” Even smiled.

-“And what... I mean. What am I doing? So like..“

“You usually hole up on the sofa and read science books. You're a student at the UiO. A really good one”

Isak furrowed his eyes. -„Huh? What am I studying?“

„Medicine.“

Isak opened his eyes widely. –“Oh wow, okay. What about my law degree??”

“Um … “

-“Oh my god, I don’t have a law degree?”

“I think you’re missing a few of—”

-“God, last time I wanted to be a surgeon, I was in high school.” Isak interrupted him.

\--

-“I think you need to look at it like a win.” Magnus said. 

“A traumatic brain injury is a win?” Even sighed.

-“You’re an idiot, Magnus” Jonas said and threw a bottle at him.

“Even I mean, if he doesn’t remember who you are, then he doesn’t remember all the stupid shit you ever did. You can start over, wipe the slate clean. And—”

Eva interrupted him -“Fuck Even I’m worried if he doesn’t remember you, how’s he going to remember he’s in love with you?”

Jonas pinched her shoulder –“Eva what the fuck?”

-“Fuck and now you’ve become less attractive” Magnus laughed.

“You guys are a great support.” Even laughed quietly “but … seriously, though. What if he doesn’t remember me?”

Jonas kneeled down in front of him and put his hand on his knee –“Even, he’s gonna remember you. He’s gonna remember all of us okay?” he smiled at Even –“We are his family.”

Even nodded “Yeah … you’re right”

\--

When Even entered Isak's room the next day, he found nothing but an empty bed. He paniced instantly and immediately looked for a nurse.

„Excuse me, I’m looking for my husband, Isak Bech Næsheim. He was right over here yesterday”

-“Well it looks like they moved him up to the VIP floor.”

“Why do--?”

-“It’s a donor’s wing.” She interrupted him. –“Just go down here and take the elevator to the second floor and make a right.”

“Yeah okay thanks” Even said and began to walk.

\--

-“Isak, your long-term memory recall is intact and I’m very optimistic the rest of your memory is going to improve with time. And – oh Mr. Bech Næsheim, I’m glad you’re here.”

Even smiled but didn’t look at the doctor. Instead he’s looking to a man and a woman in front of him. _That must be his parents. Marianne and Bill_

“Uhm yeah this is weird but I’m Even, Isaks husband.” Even stretched out his hand to the stranger man and woman.

-“Do you know how disconcerting it was to hear second-hand that my son had been in the ICU for weeks and we hadn’t been told?!” 

-“You should have called us!” Marianne cried.

“I’m sorry” Even stutters. “I –”

-“You’ve never met my parents?” Isak interrupted. –“I- I don’t understand. Why haven’t you met him?” Isak asked his mother but she ignored him and asked the doctor.

-“So, now what is the next step?”

-“The sooner he settles back into his life, his normal routine, the better. Starting in a week or so, I’m gonna recommend that Isak see a neural psychologist. And—”

Bill interrupted him -“Whatever he needs, therapy, specialists, I’ll make sure he gets the best.”

-“Yeah you’ll come home where I can take care of you sweetie” His mother stroked his hand.

-“Your mom can make up your old room, and I can take some time off work.” Bill said.

Isak smiled weakly and nodded.

_What the fuck is going on here?_

“I don’t mean to be disrespectful, because we really appreciate that, but you just heard Isak’s doctor say that he needs to go back to his normal routine. And his life with me is his normal routine.”

-“Yeah but that’s a life he doesn’t remember” Mairanne said quietly.

“He will! That’s what his doctor just got through saying!”

-“No. What he said was that maybe Isak will remember” Bill said.

-“Now why not let him come home and recover with people that he knows? And loves? We’re only trying to do the best for Isak”

-“Mum …” Isak whined.

But now Even was angry “That’s interesting, because you haven’t even asked him once!”

-“Fuck, what I really need is for everyone to just stop bickering!” Isak screamed.

But then the doctor spoke to his parents –“I think you should head home and get some rest. I’m sure everyone could use it.”

\--

Even and Isak were sitting opposite each other in the cafeteria as Isak bit his toast and mumbles softly.

–“How is it that you’re my husband and you’ve never met my family?”

“Well, you haven’t spoken to them in years”

Isak looked confused and shook his head –“But why would I ever stop speaking to my family?”

“It all went down before we met.”

-“And we … we never talked about it?”

“We did.”

-“So?”

“You wanted to move to the other side of the city and go to the UiO of science to studies medicine and then to become an surgeon at some point. But your dad insisted that you stay in law school. He had some pretty strict views on what you ought to be doing. And yeah things just spiraled from there …”

Isak stared at him and slowly continue. 

–“What I remember is being in law school and being together with Julian.”

It broke Evens heart because he fucking hates Julian. Obviously Isak noticed his tension in his face and then he got up –“I’m sorry but I … fuck I don’t know.”

He walked past him, but Even could still catch up to him.

“Isak! Baby just, the best thing to do at this point is to go back to your life with me. You heard what the doctor said. It’s the best think for your recovery.”

-“But I don’t know you! And I’m just supposed to get in your car and go and live at your place??”

“Isak it’s our place!”

-“Without any proof of us even being in love!?”

“Other than our marriage??”

Isak sighed and put his head in his hands. –“Did I … keep a journal?”

“No, not that I know. You're not the person who likes to write.”

Isak noded, slowly turned around and walked away from Even.

\--

-“So Isak, no driving until I give you the say-so. But other than that, I’m gonna see you in four weeks all right?” the doctors said.

-“Yeah thank you” Isak smiled weakly. 

-“Yeah thank you Dr. Fields, for everything” Mairanne says complimentary and turned to Isak “You ready? Let’s -”

But Even interrupted her by running in the room “Wait, hold on. I got a voicemail from you. It’s from before the accident. You said you wanted evidence so?”

Isak stayed still for a moment but then –“Okay yeah. Let’s have a listen.” 

Even nodded and started the voicemail.

_Hey babe! I’m sorry, I’m still at the UiO. I miss you so bad that I can’t really concentrate but I'll be home soon. And then you know … Yeah, anyway I love you and can’t wait to see you!”_

Isak stared at him with open mouth and Even shook his head. “I don’t know, I guess in listening back to it, it doesn’t exactly prove anything …”

-“No, no! It’s cute. I mean, I sound happy. Very happy and—”

“Okay look” Even interrupted him “Please think about it. You quit law school. You broke off with Julian and moved in with me! Those were all choices that you made, way before you even met me. I think that you owe it to yourself to honour those decisions, at least for right now.”

-“This is a big mistake, Isak.” Marianne said. 

Even found it hard not to twist his eyes “I promise that I will take care of him! Please Isak, come home with me. We’ll figure this out together.”

Isak considered and looked at his feet. Even had to smirk for a moment because Isak always did that when he thought hard about something. 

Finally his head got up –“I guess I could try it out. To see if it would help my memory and ..” 

Isak looked at his parents “I could always come home if I change my mind. I mean, I married him. It must have been for some reason.” Isak said and looked at his mother.

-“A guarded endorsement Isak”

Even stood up “But I will take it.” And smiles at Isak.

\--

-“God I look like a freak! My hair is a mess.” Isak looked in the small mirror in Evens car.

Even giggled “I think you look great” 

Isak blushed but smiles. -“Where do we live?”

“On the north side.”

…

When Even stood with Isak at the front door, he was happy. So happy. That was at least a good start. 

„Welcome home“ Even said as he unlocked the door and waved his husband over.

As Isak walked down the hall and around the corner, a crowd of people had approached him.

„Surprise!!” 

Isak was totally overwhelmed when a girl jumped up, ran to him and hugged him tightly. 

–„Omg, it’s so good to see you! We were there every day at the hospital, but Even didn’t want us to overhelm you. We really missed you.“

-“I gather .. we’re close?” Isak mumbled.

“Yeah I’m Eva and this is my boyfriend Jonas, your best friend” the girl pointed to the boy behind her.

“And this is Michael. And Magnus, Yousef, Sana …”

Isak didn't listen to the next names. He's embraced by everyone and got a lot of “Hey’s” and “You look good”.

-„I … Sorry, I … Excuse me.” And then he ran away in a other room.

\--

“Thank you all for coming. I’m sorry it ended early.” Even said.

-“It’s all right. Take care of him Even.” Magnus smiled..

Jonas hugged him. -“It was too much for him. Take your time.” Jonas said.

“I will.” 

…

As he closed the door and walked back into the apartment, he saw Isak sitting at the desk. He looked through the room and totally overwhelmed and tired.

„Are you okay?“

-„What do you think?“ Isak whispered.

“I know. It’s a lot to take in..”

-“No. A lot to take in would’ve been coming home, to a strange apartment, with a man I don’t know. That would be a lot to take in! But coming home to all of that, plus a house full of people pulling on me and hugging me and crying in my face and talking about more shit that I don’t remember, that’s not a lot to take in, that’s just total bullshit!” 

Even stared at him but he knew Isak was right. God, what the fuck was he thinking?

„I’m so sorry. You’re right.” Even said and walked slowly towards him.

-“Will you please just get out?” Isak said in a very angry voice. 

“Of course. I’m sorry.”

-“I’m sorry too.” Isak mumbled. 

Even slept on the couch. He didn't want to crowd Isak. He wanted him to feel at home here and want them to took their time. Even would take all the time in the world when it comes to Isak.

\--

Isak just came out of the shower when he saw it in the mirror. A tattoo?! _Oh my fucking god_

He went closer to the mirror, wiped the steam off the glass with a towel to get a better view and there it was. On his left shoulder blade was a black anchor.

…

Next morning, when the sun's rays woke Even up through the window, he moaned annoyed into his pillow. He stayed for a short moment and finally set off for the bathroom.

As he entered the room, Isak was already standing at the sink with only his boxer shorts.

„Good morning“ Even mumbled dozy.

Isak faced him and shouted loudly and grabbed a towel to hold it in front of him. 

Even furrowed „What?“ but immediately noticed that he was standing here naked in the bathroom. Actually, it was more than okay for Isak normally but under these circumstances it was probably not. 

Even held his hands fast in front of his dick and grinned at Isak.

-„You didn’t knock!“ Isak said loudly.

„Yeah“ Even whiggled. „It’s habit, I’m sorry.“

Isak stared at him and wanted to say something but Even spoke up.

“But it’s not like you haven’t seen it before so …” 

Then Isak laughed. It was more like a little giggle, totally innocent. It was so good to hear it. 

But after a few seconds, Isak became a bit more serious again. –„But this isn’t funny. You should knock.“ 

„Yeah I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.“ Even grinned.

And he realized that Isak did not blame him. He realized that Isak also grinned briefly before he ran out of the bathroom and that made Even very happy.

\--

After Even prepared breakfast, he sat down at the table and worked on his mails.

A few minutes later Isak came slowly into the kitchen with a sweater that was much too big. It was Evens sweater and went almost up to Isak's knees. He looked fucking cute in it.

„You look nice.“ Even smiled.

Isak raised his brows. -“Really? This is about the only piece of my clothing I feel comfortable in.” Isak said and walked to the stove.

“That’s mine, actually.”

-“Ohh I don’t—” Isak stared at him.

“No, no, it’s fine” Even interrupted and laughed. 

Isak nodded and saw through several lockers until he found a glass and looked at Even.

–“You’re looking at me like I’m some kind of an alien or something.”

Even shook his head. “Sorry I’m just trying to figure this out I guess..”

Isak poured himself orange juice in his glas and looked at the many breakfast on the table. –“Wow. You normally do all this?” 

“ Only if I failed something. Just like last night. This is my apology. That was such a bonehead move. I just wasn’t thinking.”

-“No, please. I’m sorry, I … I don’t want you to worry about me, okay? Just go about your normal routine and yeah.. Do you work? Do you have a job?”

Even laughed “Yeah well, I own a recording studio.”

-“How cool, then you're from the creative sort.”

„Yes, I think so“ Even smirked. „Besides, I also write scripts for smaller movies.“

-„Wow okay, so and … what is my routine? What do I do all day?”

“Well, you usually get up and make coffee.” Even laughed.

Isak nodded and grabbed the fried bacon, but Even took it out of his hand.

„Don’t! That one’s for me. You don’t eat meat.”

Isak raised his eyes “Oh fuck okay.” 

Even smiled at him. „Yeah, then you check Mails and pay bills but I’m betting that you don’t remember any of the passwords or account numbers?” Isak shook his head. 

“Yeah no problem, so I guess I’ll do that.” Even smiled at him and Isak smiled weakly back.

“And then you go to the UiO, I could take you down there and—”

-“You know what? We don’t have to rehash everything right now.” Isak interrupted him. –“I mean, just … you go to work and we can make flashcards later or something?”

“Are you sure?” Even asked.

-“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine.”

“Okay well you got keys and phone here and if you need me, all my numbers are on there.”

-“Okay all right”

“Okay.” 

Even thought about how to say goodbye and realized in Isak's expression that he exactly knew what Even was thinking about. So he made it short and easily stroked him over his shoulder. „Um yeah, see you later.“

-„Have a good day.“ Isak said back.

\--

“Whats up Michael?” Even asked when he entered the studio. 

-„Hey …“ Michael mumbled quietly, totally absorbed in the work.

Even frowned on his forehead. „Is everything all right?“

-“Honestly, though, it’s actually been hell. Yesterday we were somehow double-booked!”

“Too many clients, that’s a high class problem.”

-“Yeah but with only one studio, it’s pretty impossible to take on both gigs. And then the other client weren’t flexible and they rebooked over at Soundspace.”

“What? Shit, that was a big account. They should always be prioritized Michael.”

-“Look, I can’t run the sessions and handle account services, okay? I mean, this isn’t a one-man operation.”

Even stared at him with his mouth open. “It’s not like I flaked or something”

-“I know, I know. I’m not mad, I’m just saying shit’s slipping.”

“Well, I’m here now so …”

Michael smiled at him. 

–“How’s Isak doing?”

Even sighed. “He is .. Look, It’ll be fine I think.”

-“Good ... You can always count on me, you know that, right?”

“Of course I know that.” Even smiled at him.

\--

Isak liked Eve's apartment. Or rather, _their_ apartment.

It's a little chaos, but somehow he felt comfortable in it. Bicycles stood next to the entrance door on the wall, jackets were not hanging in a wardrobe, but on a clothes rail and everywhere on the wall were small drawings, pictures and photos.

Isak rummaged through the big book rule that is in the living room. He found many medical books and films. Finally, he saw a dvd cover with a note on top of it. 

‘More evidence‘

Without much thinking, he pulled out the film and put it into the TV. He turned up the volume and sat down on the sofa.

Soon he realized that it was the wedding video. Even and he both wear suits. Isak a dark green one, Even a black one. They stand opposite each other and their friends close behind them.

Isak froze when he heared himself on the screen.

-„ I vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness and to have the patience that love demands. To speak when words are needed and to share the silence when they’re not. To agree to watch Baz Luhrmanns movies again and again. And to live within the warmth of your heart and always call it home.”

_Wow._

At the point with Baz Luhrmann he laughed briefly but otherwise he was simply speechless. 

In the film he discovered Even who smiles widely at him and spoke up. 

“I vow to fiercely love you, in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once-in-a-lifetime love. And to always know in the deepest part of my soul that no matter what challenges might carry us apart, that we’ll always find the way back to each other.”

During Evens speech, Isak held his hand in front of his open mouth all the time. During the last sentence, tears came to his eyes, which he immediately blinked away. 

Also in the movie, tears gathered in Isak's eyes and Jonas smiled at him. 

–„Do you take each other as spouses forever?“

„I do.” Even looked serious. 

-“I do too” smiled Isak.

-“Then I now pronounce you man and man and best friends for life.”

Isak looked briefly at Jonas and nodded to him as Even struggles with his tears.

-„You can kiss now."

And with that Isak put his hands on Evens cheeks, pulled him to himself and kissed him passionately. All her friends clapped and cheered at them and Isak and Even looked indescribably happy. 

\--

At noon Isak got very hungry and he couldn't find anything in her refrigerator that he would like to eat now. So he decided to look for a bakery nearby.  
-„Hi“ the woman behind the counter greeted him.

„Oh hi“ Isak smiled at her. “Um … could I have a … one of these?” Isak pointed to a cherry pie.

The employee wrinkled her forehead. –„You don’t want the usual?“

„I have a usual?” Isak raised his eyebrows.

The woman looked at him with wide eyes and a lot of confusion.

„Um yeah then that would be perfect. I’ll have the usual.” Isak quickly said.

-„All right, here you go.“

When Isak ran out of the door with a small bag, he walked to the right and stopped as if rooted. He had no idea where he was going.

„Fuck“ he mumbled to himself.

\--

“I'm heading home now and check on Isak” Even said goodbye to Michael and waved to him as he ran out the door.

He didn't want to be as stupid tonight as he was yesterday. He had to try and take it slow. Day by day. Hour by hour. Minute by minute.

After unlocking the apartment door, he put his bag down and immediately kept his eyes open for Isak, but he wasn't there. 

"Isak?" he shouted out loud through the apartment, but there was no answer. There was nothing of Isak in the other rooms either.

When he saw Isak's cell phone lying on the kitchen table, he sighed, grabbed his jacket and headed outside. 

When he still hadn't found Isak after 2 hours, he decided to go back to the apartment. And there he sat. Isak. Quite innocent at the kitchen table. He no longer wore Even's big sweater, but black trousers and a shirt. Like he was going to an interview or something.

-„Hey“ Isak smiled.

„Where have you been? I was starting to get a little worried.”

-“Sorry I was lost, physically. Mentally, I guess, as well.”

“Well, you should’ve called me …”

-“Yeah, I forgot the phone and I don’t know your number by heart, so I called my mom and we made a day of it, which was great. She invited us for dinner tonight.”

“Dinner? Okay” Even mumbled and looked down at his feet.

Isak obviously recognized his restlessness. –„You don’t have to come with me.“

Evens chest burned inside.

„Well, you’re not allowed to drive, so I do have to go. But that’s not the point..” 

Isak stayed silent for a moment.

-“You know, maybe I’m gonna wake up tomorrow and remember everything, but right now they’re the only thing I’m sure about.”

Even looked Isak deep into his eyes and finally said “Okay. We’ll go.“ And Isak smiled at him.

\--

-„It’s just a left up here at the Caldwells‘, then a right at the sacral alley and we’re six houses in on the right.” Isak showed through the car window and watched excitedly every house that flew at them through. Eventually he looked at the flowers in his left hand.

–„You know, this arrangement doesn’t exactly say „I’m sorry that we haven’t spoken, but now that I have a brain injury, maybe you can overlook it.“

Even looked at the flowers. “You’re right. We should’ve got them forget-me-nots.”

Isak rolled his eyes. -“Wow, that’s very funny.” 

When they drove into the courtyard entrance, Even was shocked. Isak had told him that his parents had a lot of money, but he didn't expect _that_. It was a such a fucking big house.

-„So well, you’ve already met my parents. My dad will say to call him Bill but he prefers Mr. Valtersen. And my sister’s name is-”

“Lea” Even interrupted him. “I know a lot about your family, Isak.”

-“Right, yeah.” Isak grinned.

Even smiled. “We’re married, you know”

…

When they were sitting at the table, Isak shouted all of a sudden. –„Omg Lea, you’re engaged! Wow, congratulations!!“

-„Thanks Isak” said a man standing next to Even. That must be Tom, Leas's fiancé. 

Lea stroked Isak's shoulder. –„ It's been a long time.” 

-“The weird thing is that everyone looks a little bit older.” Isak laughed. 

“Really?" Lea grinned.

-“Yeah Lea. You, especially.” Isak laughed.

“I’m so happy to have you back.”

Isak smiled widely at his sister.

-“In honour of Isak being home, I made your favourite dinner. Filet mignon.” Marianna beamed and Even stared at Isak immediately, but he only shakes his head slightly and smiles at him.

-„Before we start, I think this evening deserves a toast. Darling?” Marianna looked at Bill.

-“Well I would like to drink to my family. I’m so fortunate to have these threes beautiful humans in my life and when we’re all together, that fortune just multiplies. Isak, welcome home.”

Isak smiled at his dad und lifted his glass.

…

-„So Even, what about your family?“ Bill asked. “Do you see them often?”

“Um no.”

-“Well, that’s a shame.”

“Both of my parents are dead.. There is just Isak. He is my family now.” Even smiled at Isak, who smiled only weakly back at him. 

-„And what kind of work do you do, Even?“ Marianne asked.

“I have my own recording studio.” 

Everybody stared at Even. 

“Yeah” Even smiled “Isak actually convinced me to turn it into a business.”

Isak wrinkled his forehead. -“I did?” 

Even just smiled. “Yeah, you did.”

-“Isn’t that sort of a dying field?” Tom asked carfully and saw the look on Leas eyes. 

“No, I just mean, can’t people record things on their computers at home and it sounds just as good?”

-“Tom!” Lea screamed.

“Look, the records that I like, they have life and warmth and soul. You’re not gonna get that in your computer. You’re gonna want to live room, you’re gonna want to bounce to tape. You’re gonna want real musicians in a room, vibing off of each other. I guess, to answer your question, it may be a dying field and you can record high-quality stuff at home. But, I mean, you can’t get the sun sessions on your laptop.”

Nobody added anything else. 

\--

Later in the evening Lea, Tom, Isak and Even went for a drink. Lea told Isak a lot and was very excited.

-„I heard everyone is gonna be here tonight. And—“

“I think this kind of thing might be a little too much for Isak.” Even interrupted.

-“No, I’m good here, actually.” Isak smiled and suddenly saw someone sitting at a table he knew. _Emma?_

He waved to her, but she looked at him just confusedly.

Isak turned to Lea -„Isn‘t that Emma?“ 

-„Um yeah, we don’t really hang out any more so..“ Lea mumbled.

“Ohh okay.” Isak said.

…

Meanwhile, Even is sitting at the table with Isak's old friends. None of them he's ever seen, except one. Tall man in a fancy suit. It was Julian. Julian Dahl. Even knew him only from telling stories and some photos, but he recognized him immediately.

-„It’s been a long time.” Julian smiled at Isak.

-“Really? It doesn’t seem like it. You haven’t changed a bit.” Isak said and Even would like to hit a wall right now. He knew when Isak was flirting and _that_ was definitely flirting.

Before Julian could say anything else, Even reached out his hand to him.

„I’m not sure if Isak mentioned it. But I’m Even. His husband.“

-„Oh yeah, right.” Julian grinned. “Soo, I’m gonna grab a drink. You guys want anything?”

-“I’ll take a blueberry mojito.” Isak said.

_What?_

“Really?” Even frowned at his forehead. Isak only ever drank beer.

-„Yes, I remember.“ Julian winked at him, turned around and headed towards the bar.

Even felt uncomfortable being here with all the people Isak actually hated. But at the moment, Isak didn't know this fact. For him, everything was the same. 

\--

„He was even flirting with Julian right in front of me!” Even cursed.

Michael frowned. -“Ex- fiancé Julian??” 

”No, no. In his mind, it’s current fiancé Julian. Which is why it was probably pretty annoying to have his stranger husband cock-block him all night.”

-“Fuck, that’s a lot.” Mikael mumbled and both of them stayed still for a moment.

After a few minutes Mikael cleared his throat. “What turns him on?”

Even raised one eyebrow. “Isak?”

-“No, his dad. Yes, Isak!”

Even twisted the eyes. “Like, in bed?” he asked.

-“Oh my god Even ...”

“What? It’s private. It’s ... I don’t know. It’s kind of a between me and his kind of thing.”

-“Come on, I’m not gonna judge.”

Evee hesitated briefly but then.

“He likes being tickled.”

Mikael laughed. -“Omg, seriously?” 

Even stared at him. “Wow, thought you weren’t gonna judge.”

-“I’m not. I’m just … I don’t care if you’re into kink.”

“It’s not like that.. It just breaks his down when he’s stuck in his head.”

-“Okay so, you should give that a shot.”

“Seriously?”

-“Yeah! What do you have to lose?”

Even almost lost him. Fortunately only almost. Therefore he will try everything possible to bring Isak back to him. 

\--

Isak went up the elevator, walked past the reception and straight into Julian's office.

It was large and furnished with very fine furniture, which must have been very expensive. Julian stood with his back to him, looked out of the big window and had the phone on his ear. 

-„Because I’ve been dealing with these people forever and I know they have –” Julian suddenly saw Isak and immediately stopped talking into his phone.

–„Um something important just popped up. I’m gonna call you right back, ok?” And with that, he laid his hands on his hips and smiled happily at Isak. –„Hey“

„Hey“ Isak answered. 

-„Please sit down.“ Julian pointed to a chair in front of him.

After they both stared at each other for a short time, Isak slowly began.

„So, you remember that time at the lake, when you told me you’d always have my back, no matter what?”

-“The night in the boathouse.” Said Julian without hesitation.

Isak nodded. „Yeah um … can you please tell me what went down with us?”

-“Only you, Isak, can dump a guy, then come back and demand answers.” Julian laughed and looked on his desk. 

Isak squeezed his eyes together. “So.. I dumped you?”

-„A cruel, hard, pre-wedding dumping.“ Julian's voice sounded bitter and Isak looked shocked.

“But why?” he asked.

-„Well, that’s a question that I and all of my friends and the two rebound boys would have liked to know an answer.”

Isak twisted his eyes. “Come on, seriously. I must have had some kind of reason.” He said serious.

-“You … you changed. You talked differently, you dressed differently.” Julian said, stood up and walked around the table and leaned directly in front of Isak at the table.

–„You weren’t sure about law school any more. And you definitely weren’t sure about me any more.“

Isak shook his head and frowned his forehead. „Did I give you your ring back?“

-“Yeah, you did.”

“And who has that now?”

-“No one yet. But I’ve been with Max. You remember? From Gwen’s class.” 

Isak nodded. 

–“I’ve been with him for about a year now. You know, I couldn’t wait forever, Isak.”

“You couldn’t have anticipated that I’d have a brain trauma and forget our break-up and come waltzing into your office demanding answers? What’s wrong with you?”

Julian laughed out loud and Isak giggled. “I’m sorry. I’m gonna let you go back to work.” 

When Isak got up, Julian leaned forward so that there wasn't much room left between them.

They remained in this position for a few seconds until they slowly turned their faces to each other and kissed. Isak's hand rested on Julian's neck. It was just a little peck, but Julian apologized immediately after that. –„Sorry..“

„No! I’m sorry.“

-„I was not expecting that.“

“Makes the habit, I guess.” Isak said and looked on his feet. “I honestly didn’t even know where I was headed until I found myself here. It just seems so ridiculous to me that I shut everyone out for five years…” 

\--

When Even came into the apartment, he saw Isak sitting on the table with many photos in front of him.

-„Hey“ Isak looked up briefly at him.

„Hey“ Even smiled.

-„How was your day?“

“It was fine. I’m just happy to be home with you.” Even said and kissed Isak on his cheek. 

-“Um ..” Isak cleared his throat. –“Sorry about the mess here”

“No problem. What will- .. are you collaging?”

Isak narrowed his forehead, raised his eyebrows and looked at Even. -“Do I collage normally?”

“No, not that I remember.”

Isak sighed and turned back to the photos in front of him.

–„You know, I was just so inspired just seeing everybody last night.”

Even raised his brows. “To made a collage?”

-“All those memories just came flooding back to me, so I thought I’d make a timeline, you know, of my life.” Said isak excitedly.

“That’s .. That is great. That’s a great idea, Isak.”

-“Yeah, I kind of rummaged through some of your stuff. I hope you don’t mind.”

Even laughed. “It’s fine. What’s mine is yours too.”

-“See, I found some family photos, me when I was little, stuff like that. That was easy to put into chronological order because I remember that stuff.”

“That’s good, right?”

-“Yeah, yeah. I guess so. But what I’ve been trying to do is pinpoint the last memory I had before everything just went blank.”

Even stared at him for a moment. „And, how’s that going?“ he asked finally.

-„I think I was at the Macaroni Grill and I was asking them if they had those special toasted ravioli. But I don’t remember the answer.” Isak sounded desperate. –“And that’s it. That’s all. That’s my last memory before I woke up in the hospital.”

“Oh no.” Even said.

-“What??” 

“How are we ever gonna know if they had toasted ravioli?”

Isak giggled and that's one of the best noises in Eve's ears. It's a quiet and innocent giggle. 

But suddenly Isak laid his hands in front of his face, rested his elbows on the table and sighed out loud. –„God, this can't be happening.“

Even laid his hand on Isak's neck and massaged him gently. „It’s alright, okay?“

But Isak stayed halfway on the table while Even massaged his shoulders. 

„Come on“ Even said and tickled Isak slightly under his arms.

Isak screamed and jumped up. „What the fuck!? What are you doing??“

“Fuck, sorry” Even said and walked one step away from Isak.

-“I- I’m sorry, was that .. that was kind of our thing, right? 

“Yeah, kind of.” Said Even as he walked through the living room towards the bedroom, because tears gathered in his eyes.

-„I’m sorry“ Isak called out to him in a guilty voice.

„No. You don’t have to say it. You don’t. I get it. It’ll all come back. We just have to keep doing what we’re doing, let you fall back into your life. It’ll all sort itself out.” 

Even hastily said and finally ran into the bedroom, where he threw his head backwards beside the open door, closed his eyes and let the tears fall slowly.

\--

The next morning, Even sat on the couch with his laptop on the lap.

Meanwhile Isak made himself a coffee and sat down next to Even.

-„I've been looking through all my science books lately. It all looks pretty complicated, and I don't understand anything.”

“Yeah, at the beginning you had a hard time with that, but then I couldn’t get you out of your desk and from your books.” 

Isak smiled weakly at him.

“You’d get lost in your projects and I’d have to come and remind you that it was night-time.”

Isak frowned, shook his head and looked down at his coffee.

„You've done research on so many subjects, and you wanted to know more and more. Wait, I'll show you some notes from you.” 

-“Oh no, that’s not necessary.”

But Even stood up and returned with a few notebooks.

“You might be able to read it through and see if you know anything about it or inspire yourself or—"

-“I got a fucking headache, I'm not dealing with them now Even!” Isak hissed loud.

“God Isak, I’m trying to help you, okay??” Even screamed.

He didn't want to yell at him. He'd never yelled at him before.

„Sorry but .. This is hard for me too, Isak.“ Even mumbled quietly.

\--

When Even came earlier to the apartment the next day from his work, he saw Isak looking at him in surprise, with a letter in his hand. He stared at him stunned until he heard the faucet of the bathroom and his forehead frowned. 

„Is somebody here?“

-„Um yeah.“ Isak mumbled when Bill walked out of the bathroom.

–„Even.“

„Hey.“ Even said serious.

-„You know, my sister’s just up to her eyeballs with this wedding stuff, and we’ve got the engagement party coming up and—” Isak stuttered.

-“And we all thought Isak could come home and help her out.” Bill interrupted him.

-“It just seems like the right thing to do, to be there for Lea.” Isak said.

“Okay, but .. what about your life here?” Even asked but Isak was already walking into the bathroom.

-“Just come out when you’re ready.” Bill shouted after him, took several bags in his hands and went outside of the apartment.

After a few minutes, Isak came out of the bathroom and Even looked at him, still standing there.

-„I’m sorry. It’s just until after the wedding.“

Even sighed and walked slowly towards Isak. „I just want you to be careful, okay?“ 

-“Well, I’m not joining a cult. I’m just going to stay with my family, Even.”

“I know, but ..”

-“But what?”

Even shook his head and then looked into Isak's green eyes. 

„Can I at least give you an tiny hug?“

Isak smiled and embraced Even tightly, smiled at him and finally walked through of the apartment.

Even squeezed his eyes together and tried not to cry when he looked at Isak as he walked out the door.

\--

-„How are you feeling?“ the doctor asked while shining a little light in Isaks eyes.

“I feel fine thanks.”

-“Yeah? No dizziness, disorientation, sleepiness?”

“Nope.”

-“Okay, great. Well, I’m very happy. And your CT scan looks excellent too.”

-“Oh what a relief.” Marianne said.

-“So your memory, recall anything?” the doctor stared at Isak.

“No, not really.” Isak answered quietly.

-“Mhh.”

Isak wrinkled his forehead. “That’s not normal, is it?”

-“When it comes to the brain, nothing is normal. Because no two brain injuries are the same.”

Isak nodded and his mother spoke up. –“Isak seems perfectly hisself again. It’s wonderful.”

-„Mrs. Valtersen, could I talk to Isak alone for a moment, please?“

Marianne looked at her son. –“It’s okay, mom. I’m good.”

-“Alright” she mumbled, took her bag and left the room.

-„Isak, do you want to regain your memory?“

Isak looked at him confused. “Yeah! Yeah, of course.”.

-“I mean, because some patients fear that when their memory comes back, so will the memory of the trauma, but mercifully that’s rarely the case.”

Isak shook his head. “Oh, no, that’s not it. I’m ... I’m not afraid of the accident.”

-“So, what are you afraid of?”

Isak started to stutter. „I guess I just … I don’t know. It’s … I mean, what if I don’t like the life that I had? Or what if I like it too much? I … I just don’t know.”

-“I only did one psych rotation, so this may be a terrible advice. But I think you have to try and fill the holes. You can still decide you want a different life, but if you don’t at least open yourself up to remembering, I’m afraid you’re gonna live in fear of your own past.”

Tears gathered in Isak's eyes, which he blinked away.

\--

“Hey, I’m here.” Even put down his bag and looked through the window at four boys. 

„These guys are?” 

-„Knife Skillz, with a ‚z‘ “ Michael answered.

–“Okay, Mike, sounds amazing. Let’s just go for it.”

-“Um, I’m going for it already.” The boy answered and Michael looked at Even –“The bass line is one note.” He whispered. 

Even laughed and then stayed still for a few minutes.

“So … “ he cleared his throat. “I’m gonna be in and out for a while.” 

Michael sighed out loud. –“Even you know, people come here to work with _you_ , okay? I mean I’m doing my best, but you should be here.”

“I know. But if Isak is with his family, I have to be there too. I gotta make my husband fall in love with me again.”

Michael looked at him sadly and patted him on the back of his shoulder and so he slowly turned around and walked out of the door.

\--

When Even was at Lea's engagement party, he felt uncomfortable. So many people in fancy suits and dresses stood in the garden in front of Marianne’s and Bill's huge mansion. Even felt small, insignificant and strange in this world.

-„Hey Even!“ Tom shouted to him with a smile and immediately Even felt a bit more comfortable. Actually Tom was okay. He liked Tom.

„One week left of your former life. How are you feeling?” Even smiled at him.

-“I feel pretty good, actually. I mean, I do get a little dizzy If I think about it for too long, but –”

-“What?” Lea was suddenly next to them and interrupted her fiancé. 

-„No, sweetie, it’s like a good dizzy. It’s like … it’s like panic or excitement.” Tom stuttered and Lea's forehead made more and more wrinkles. 

-“Well, panic and excitement are different!”

-“Lea, there’s gonna be 400 people there.”

-“Right but—”

“Hey” Even had to interrupt them to get this thing right as soon as possible.

„Do you also have a little tingling in your fingers?“ He asked Tom.

-“Yeah why?”

“Do you listen to radiohead?”

Tom nodded.

“Thom Yorke, he talks about dizzy spells all the time. He says when his fingers tingle, that’s how he knows that he’s creating something genius. And then he gets so amped up playing that he almost passes out. So, Tom, it sounds to me like you’re on the verge of genius.”

Tom smiled at him with a big smile. –„Wow, that’s so cool, man“ 

Even and Tom laughed until a woman interrupted. –“Tom, I have someone I want you to meet”

As soon as he was out of earshot, Lea turned to Even. –„So, was that true?“ she mumbled. 

Even gave her a nod and a smile which she returned to him.

…

After another twenty minutes of boring conversations with boring people, Even finally saw Isak. He stood at the terrace door with a champagne glass in his hand and looked over the crowd. 

„Isak?“ he called to him and Isak immediately looked over and walked towards him.

-„Hey Even“ Isak smiled.

Even even looked at him with big eyes, as he now realized that Isak looked different than usual. His hair was shorter and also dyed darker. Even though it was unusual, it looked beautiful. Isak was and always will be the most beautiful person for him. 

-„What?“

„Your hair. It looks so different. You look beautiful“

Isak blushed and ran his hand through his hair. –„Thank you.“

Even clears his throat „Okay, so I’ve been thinking about something.”

-“Okay?”

“What’s your favourite book?”

-“Um it’s probably not what you remember.”

“That’s fine. That’s not the point.”

„ Okay, if it was great, you probably said to yourself ‘God, I wish I was the person that hadn’t read it, so that I could experience it all over again, right?” 

-“Yeah yes, I guess so.”

Even waited a moment until he said “And that’s how I think we should look at this.”

-“What? .. how—”

“Look, you can’t remember how we met. And you can’t remember how we fell in love. And in a way, yeah, that really sucks. But it was the greatest time of my life. I just thought how cool it would be to get to experience it all over again.”

Isak smiled. -“Like reading your favourite book for the first time.”

“Exactly” Even smiled too.

-“Got it.” Isak nodded shyly. _God he was so fucking adorable._

“Good.” Even smiled. “Because this is why I want to ask you out on a date.”

-“A date?”

“Like two people that are just meeting for the first time.”

Isak hesitated and looked at his feet. –„Well, I don’t know.. I mean, you know, we’ve got the wedding coming up. And—”

“But if we go out before then, you might still be able to take me as your date.” Even winked at him and Isak laughed.

-“You're so bad at winking." 

„Yeah, you've noticed that before.“ Even smiled at him.

Isak stared at him briefly with his mouth open, but finally decided.

-„All right.“ Isak smiled. –“It’s a date.”

\--

Even looked at himself in the mirror. Fuck, he was so excited. This evening had to be good.

He tugged nervously at his hair, sighed finally and ran to his car.

…

When Isak finally sat next to him in the passenger seat, he felt like he was 16, like on the very first date. Isak looked stunning. He had a tight black pants on and a green shirt, his hair not styled too much. Just perfect.

„So.. I have an idea. But it involves going into the city. You okay with that?”

-“Yeah, that’s fine. I just have to be back by 10:00 in the morning.” Isak simply answered.

“My god, Isak”

-“What?”

“First date and you’re already inviting yourself to stay the night?” Even said as seriously as he could.

-“No, I just meant that .. Uhm I …” Isak stuttered.

“God you’re so sweet.” Even giggled. 

Isak shoved his shoulder and laughed. “You are an asshole”

Even started the engine. “Don’t worry. I’ll have you back tonight. But if you wanna stay the night, that’s .. I mean, it’s .. if you want ..” 

“We will just see how it goes” Isak smiled und looked out the window.

…

When they stopped in a parking lot, Isak looked confused.

-„Um, should we get out or..?“

„We don’t have to.“

Isak narrowed his eyes.

-„Is this the part of the date where I find out you’re not actually my husband but some crazy stalker?” Isak laughed and it sounded like music to Evens ears.

“No.” He shook his head, still laughing. “This is the exact parking spot where we first met.” 

-“Ohh” Isak bit his lower lip and this made things to Even. _Fuck, get your shit together_

“I’m gonna take you on a little retrospective of us.” He smiled finally at Isak, who immediately smiled back and nodded at him.

…

They sat in their favourite restaurant, which was also the restaurant where they had their first dinner together.

-„That is so so good.“ Isak mumbled while he was eating.

“You ready for dessert?” 

-„Dessert? We just had waffles.“

“This is dinner.”

Even grabbed his backpack to take out a big box of pralines and put it on the table. 

“These are dessert”

-„Wow. Well, how do you know what flavours they all are?“

“It’s like a chocolate Russian roulette. It’s part of the fun.” Even explained him but Isak just raised his brows.

„Look, we’d be surprised by the ones we liked and the ones we didn’t.”

-“All right, okay.” Isak said finally and took a praline in his mouth.

Only after a few seconds he squeezed his eyes together and twisted his face.

„You don’t like it?“ Even laughed.

-„I do not like that one, no.“

Even giggled and took another praline and gave it to Isak. 

“Here, try this one. I think you’d like this one.”

Isak hesitantly took it into his mouth and smiled broadly shortly afterwards. He beamed all over his face and looked so damn beautiful.

„Told you“ Even smiled at him.

Isak pushed the box of pralines to Even -“Okay, now it’s your turn.”

They ate pralines, giggled and laughed until the box was empty.

„Wait till you try their hot chocolate. We would come here whenever it snowed.”

-“Are you trying to make me diabetic or just fat?” Isak asked.

Even laughed at that and then Isak laughed too.

…

When Even had parked the car only a few meters from a lake, Isak turned to him.

–„So .. we come down here at night and look at the lake?“

Even grinned at him. _If you knew._

“No, that’s not exactly what we do.”

Isak's face fell as Even unbuckled himself and began to slowly unbutton his buttons from his shirt. 

-„Um .. I .. I’m ..” Isak stuttered.

“Mh?” 

Isak raised his eyebrows and looked at Evens half-naked chest.

„Oh no, no. It’s not that.“ Even said. “We said we'd go in once a month, and we haven't had April behind us yet. We started this last July.” Said Even while he took off his shirt completely.

Isak furrowed his brows –“What? Why? Why would we do that?”

“We were at this spaghetti place and we had this waiter and he said he did it. And he was like 80 years old. So we thought we could do that too.”

Isak smiled at him, but it wasn't a very convincing smile.

„We said no wetsuits, but .. “ Even giggled.

-“You’re really serious about this?” Isak interrupted him.

“… but for you, I guess I’ll make an exception.” 

Now Even sat there, body free, smiling at Isak. He could see Isak wasn't sure about this. He was still a little shocked, but then he said

–„All right. Turn around.“ 

So Even did.

When Isak took off his shirt and slowly his pants, Even couldn't help but squint at Isak. What would he give to touch Isak now? To hug him now. Just to be close to him.

-„Okay“ Isak said confidently and opened the car door next to him.

„Wait, no wetsuit?” Even asked.

-“We said no wetsuits, right?” Isak grinned and got out of the car.

Even grabbed the blanket from the back seat, got out of the car and quickly took off his pants.

-„Oh no, no, no!!” Isak was only in the water with his toes when he was screaming and wanted to turn around and run to the car. But Even laid his arms around Isak's belly, whirled him around and carried him further into the water.

-„Even!!“ Isak screamed and laughed and Even loved him so much at that moment that it almost came across his lips.

After both of them were briefly under the cold water with their whole bodies, Even reached out his hand to Isak, which he grabbed immediately. Hand in hand they ran together again to the shore and Even grabbed the blanket and wrapped Isak with it.

-„God it’s so cold fuck“ Isak stuttered and ran to the car and got in.

“I think my left eyelid’s frozen shut” Even giggled when he also sat in the car.

Isak laughed. -“Hurry up and turn on the heat!! God, I can’t feel my fingers!“

Isak stretched out his hands and whined –“I can’t feel them!”

Even stared at him for a moment and then took Isak's hands gently between his hands and pulled them to his mouth to blow warm air on it.

They stared deep into each other's eyes and Isak's breathing immediately slowed down and calmed down. His mouth was slightly open and he now looked at Evens lips.

…

After Even closed the apartment door behind him, Isak pressed his lips against his and buried his hands in Even's hair. _Oh, God, I missed you so much._

Even lifted him up, so that Isak could cling his legs around Evens hip, and pushed him against the wall.

They kissed for another minute. Light, tender kisses until Isak briefly raised his head.

-„I don’t know what your Isak did on a first date, but with me, you’re only getting to first base.”

Even smiled at him. “That’s totally fine for me.” 

He gave him another kiss. 

„I’m sorry, my lips are still numb. Normally I can do that better.”

Isak smiled at him, clutched Evens face with his hands and whispered softly. –“It’s nice” before he kissed him again.

They now kissed each other more hungrily and passionately and Even began to stroke Isak's hips and his legs. 

–„Okay second base but no more“ Isak moaned.

Even giggled softly and gently touched him, stroking him and driving his fingertips lightly over Isak's eyebrows, cheeks and lips. „This is perfect for me.“

…

„Thank you for coming out with me tonight.“ Even said when he was standing with Isak in front of his parents' big house. 

-„I had a really nice time” Isak said quietly, smiled and turned around.

„I’ve missed you so damn much“ Even whispered and Isak immediately turned around again and faced him.

„I miss our life together. I miss being with you. God… I love you so much Isak.”

-“Uh.. I ..” Isak stotterte. 

“You don't have to say anything about it. I just wanted you to know.” Even explained.

–“I think I should probably get inside.” Isak mumbled.

“Yeah okay“

“Good night, Even.” 

“Good night, Isak.”

\--

When Isak closed the door behind him, he threw the keys on a small table next to him, leaned against the door and sighed out loud.

-„Hey“ 

Isak looked into the living room and saw Lea sitting on an armchair with a book in her hand.

„Hey! I didn’t know you were gonna be here.” Isak said and walked to her.

-“Were you out with Julian?” Lea grinned.

“No.. I was with Even.”

-“I like him.” Said Lea and smiled.

“Yeah” Isak tears came into his eyes „Me too.“

-“Isak, are you okay?“ Lea looked concerned.

Isak shook his head, started to cry and hid his face with his hands.

-„Isak, god. I’ve never seen you like this before. I mean, is this crying thing the new you?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know what’s me. I even have a tattoo. And I’m a vegetarian too.” Isak laughed through the tears which rolled down his cheeks.

Lea laughed and took him into her arms.

\--

„Look, it was just like it used to be. It was so perfect. Everything that I fell in love with about Isak is still there.” Even said while he was walking down the street with Eva, Magnus and Jonas.

-“You know, to you, I’m sure it seemed like a conformation of your love or your marriage, right?” Eva asked. –“But to him, it probably seemed it more like a really good first date.”

-“Exactly. Which is why I think you’ve gotta wait the requisite three days before you call.” Jonas said.

“I gotta wait three days to call after a date with my own husband?” Even asked and shook his head.

-“At least man. This is a unique case. Maybe longer.” Magnus said.

“It can’t be longer. I’m gonna see him on Saturday at the wedding. I’m telling you, it was so obvious. Even with all this crazy shit going on around us, we still belong together.”

“Obvious to him or to you?” Eva asked suspiciously.

“To both of us.”

When Magnus and Eva were looking for new shoes in a store, Jonas pulled Even aside.

-„Listen. I also think and hope that Isak will remember again. Or that he falls in love again. But you have to give him time. You can't force anything.“

„I know Jonas. But this evening was more than just a first date for him. Believe me.“

\--

-„Isak?“ Lea asked.

“Yeah?”

-“We have to start writing out those place cards after we eat, can you help me?”

“Yeah sure” he smiled.

-“Before you start on that ..” Bill sat next to Isak on the couch –“I have a little surprise for you. You know Ray Porter, right? He taught constitutional law. He and I were on law review together. We've known each other for ages and he is the dean of the law school now. And well, they’re gonna let you back in.”

Isak furrowed his brows “What? But .. I didn’t even apply.”

Bill smiled. –“Yeah, I took care of it.”

“What? This is crazy. I mean, what … I feel like I’m getting a free do-over in life.” 

\--

The wedding was big, big as hell. Pompous, exaggerated and full of strangers.

To get a break from the whole trouble, Even walked away from the crowd and leaned against a railing of a small bridge. 

He stood there for a few minutes and enjoyed the silence. Isak was in the house, very excited for his sister. He looked happy the last time Even saw him. He looked perfect. He looks always perfect.

-„You look like you could use a drink.“ Bill interrupted his thoughts.

“Thanks but I’ve already had several.” Even answered politely.

Bill held the bottle up in his hand and put two glasses on the railing.

-“But you haven’t had this.”

Even didn’t want to talk about this longer, looked at the bottle and then shrugged. “Yeah okay, why not”

-“I’m glad we’re having a moment alone.” Bill said while he poured the glasses. –„I haven’t gotten a chance to really talk to you, Even.“

„Oh yeah right.“ Even smiled weakly at him.

Bill raised his glass and they toasted.

„Wow yeah, that’s really nice.“ Even said, after he sipped at his glass and put it back on the railing.

-„Yes, it is.“ Bill mumbled. –“Even, I’ve been thinking. And I think that it’s probably time to let us take it from here and fix this.”

“Fix what?”

-“Things with Isak.” 

_Wait, what?_

Bill obviously noticed Evens confused look.

–“Look, I know he didn’t have health insurance because you chose to live in a certain way, and I know you must be drowning in debt. But I also know a way out of this.”  
“What does that mean?” Even asked, now even more confused.

-„Divorce him. The bills have only just begun, Even.”

Even couldn't believe he heard something like that. He bit his lower lip and tried to answer in a quiet tone and not to go out of control.

„Mr. Valtersen, I don’t think this is the time or the place to discuss this.” Even said quietly.

-“Fine. If you don’t care about losing your business, what about Isak? What about doing what is obviously the right thing for him?” 

“And you know what is right for him!?” Even said now a little louder, a little more irritated.

-„As a matter of fact, I do.”

“God you are such a hypocrite.” Even mumbled.

-“What did you say??”

“If you are such a family man, how come I never once saw you come and try to put things back together with Isak??”

Bill looked at Even as if he wanted to kill him with his eyes.

Then Even took a step towards him, looking at Bill from top to bottom, and finally said „You are such a coward“ and walked away from him, back to the house.

Totally annoyed, he sat down on the nearest possible seat, covered his face and sighed.

-„Hey, should I introduce you around a little bit?“

Even looked up and fucking Julian stood in front of him. Even didn't answer anything and just stared at him.

-„I mean, it can’t feel good to be the outsider.“

“I’m not the outsider.” Even hissed but Julian laughed.

–“Alright. If you say so. You just seem a little creepy over here all by yourself.” 

“I’m just waiting for Isak.”

-“Well, then best of luck with that” Julian said while he was walking away from Even.

“You like this, right?” Even said so loudly that Julian could still hear it and turned around.

-„I’m sorry, like what?“

„Isak leaves you behind. He goes and has this life without you, with some guy that no one gets. And now you get to see his reject all that.”

-“Yeah I mean … I like it a little bit.” Julian laughed.

„Oh yeah? Well, let me tell you what I like. I like the fact that Isak told me everything about you, Julian.”

Julian still smiled and Even stood up. 

“He told me that when he was with you, he would wake up at night in a panic, thinking ‘Is this all there is?’ ”

-“He told you everything, huh? Did he also tell you that he threw himself at me the other day? Did he tell you that? Or did he stop telling you everything when he forgot who the hell you were?”

Even had to swallow heavily, but didn't give in.

„Look, I get why you are being such a dick. You obviously love him, and you think you are gonna get him back. But the thing is, he outgrew you. What makes you think that won’t happen again?”

-“Thanks for your advice, Even. I will mull it over while I’m in bed with your husband.”

And with that, Even could no longer hold back. He couldn't stop his anger now. It happened so quickly and suddenly Julian was lying on the floor with a bleeding nose.

-„Even!!“ Isak shouted and Even knew it was wrong what he did. And Isak knew that too, so he ran out, but Even ran after him.

„Isak, wait!“ 

Isak stopped and turned around. -„What the hell were you thinking??”

“I don’t know! That’s a really good question, because I have been driving myself insane, making a complete ass of myself!!”

-“Well yeah, that’s what you are did”

“I literally trying everything possible to try to save what we have. And you’ve been throwing yourself at Julian!” Even screamed now.

-“That’s not fair!!” Isak shouted back.

“It’s not fair? That is not fair!? Fuck Isak, I see the way you look at him.” Even sighed. “I know that, because you used to look at me that way.” Even said quietly.

-“Even, I –”

“No, I think we need to start being realistic.” Even interrupted him. “Your memory’s not coming back. The fact is that I’m still just a stranger for you” Even had to spasmodically hold back his tears. He shouldn't cry now. But when he looked into Isaks eyes, he saw glassy eyes here too.

-„I didn’t want to hurt you, Even. This kiss with Julian felt completely wrong and I don't want him back, if that's what you think. But I’m just … I'm still so confused, you know. I’m so tired of disappointing you” Isak whispered.

Even walked towards him and held a hand around Isak's face. 

“I know sweetheart.” Even whispered back. 

-“I’m sorry.”

Even nodded. “I’ll apologise to Lea and Tom.”

-“No god, it’s fine. Wedding disasters have a way of turning into great stories. Eventually.” Isak laughed silently even though some tears ran down his cheeks.

_God I'd love to kiss your tears away right now_

„How do you look at the man you love and tell yourself it’s time to walk away?“ Even asked serious, turned around but Isak pulled him back on his shoulder.

-„Even” Isak said quietly –“I hope one day I can love the way that you love me.”

Even smiled weakly at him “You figured it out once. You’ll do it again.“ 

He turned around and walked away from him, walked away from the house, walked away from everything in this strange world.

\--

Even sat in his studio plucking his guitar. He closed his eyes and tried to concentrate only on the tones, on the melody. Music was always the thing that could distract him. But not even this managed to forget a little bit about Isak.

He played the song Isak liked best. He used to play it often when Isak was upset or sad or just when he couldn't sleep.

He sat alone in the studio and played the song over and over again while staring at his fingers as they touched the different strings.

He stopped when he recognized a silouette opposite him. It was Mikael. 

-„Shit“ Mikael mumbled. „You are here and not there. Are you okay?”

“I think I’m done. It’s over... I give up.”

Mikael furrowed. –“No. You never give up Even.”

“If we were meant to be together, we would be together.” Even said quietly.

-“Even, I—”

“I was thinking about the first time that we went to that Greek restaurant on the corner. There was this big banner saying ‘Now Serving Soup”, and I just started to go on and on about all the obstacles that the owner must have overcome to achieve his lifelong dream of serving soup.”

Mikael laughed and smiled at Even.

“And then .. When I was finished Isak didn’t say anything for a few seconds and he just … he just sort of exhaled it. It was almost to himself. ‘I love you’ … And it just hung there. It was the first time he had said it, and I didn’t even wanna respond. I just wanted to keep hearing it. That was two weeks after we met. It only took him two weeks to fall in love with me before.”

Even got up and wiped his tears from his cheek. „He doesn’t love me anymore.“

\--

When Isak was standing next to the vegetables in the supermarket, he saw Emma a few yards away from him. She looked at him and immediately looked away as if she had not seen that Isak had already noticed her.

„Emma?“

-„Hey“ said Emma quietly.

„How are you?“

-“Listen um.. I know it’s been years but-“

“Yeah, I was away for a while so ..” Isak interrupted.

-“Listen, I never had a chance to apologise..”

Isak raised his eyebrows, but Emma kept talking.

-“I was just going through a really weird time but your dad ended it as soon as your mother confronted him about us. And I just always wanted you to know that.. I don’t mean to open old wounds now but … I just really needed to say that I’m sorry. I’m really sorry Isak.”

“No uh, I’m glad that you said it.”

-“You and Lea were always really good friends to me. I just wish I could’ve returned the favour and–”

Emma froze when she saw Lea walked towards them. She looked briefly at Isak and then quickly ran away from him.

Isak looked at Emma briefly and then stared at Lea stunned and with his mouth open.

-„Isak, I wanted to tell you“

“You knew??”

Lea nodded.

“You knew the whole time??”

-“I’m sorry!!”

“Fuck, don’t talk to me” Isak mumbled, put his products back on the shelf and stormed out of the store.

-„Isak, Isak!!“ Lea screamed at him, but he didn't care. He had to leave. He had to see his mother.

…

When he parked his bike in the courtyard, he saw his mother bent over a few flowers in the front garden.

-„Hey! Where have you been all day stranger?“ Marianne smiled.

“I ran into Emma at the store, mum.”

She sighed and looked at the flowers in her hand.

„That’s why I left, isn’t it?? Because I found out!”

His mother just stared at him with a look that Isak couldn't read. She looked empty and sad. 

“Mum, I barely even know who I am and then it turns out you are lying to me?! And you have used my accident to rewrite the past!?” 

-“I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you again, Isak.”

-“God mum, do you have any idea how betrayed I feel right now?” Isak had tears in his eyes.

-„I’m sorry! But we were happier than we’d been in years.”

“Mum!”

-“We finally had you back again.”

“Back on your terms!”

-“No!”

“Yes, as usual!” Isak creamed and turned around.

-„Isak!“

Immediately he faced her again.

„Fuck, he cheated on you with Emma, Lea and my friend! How could you stay with him??”

-“I .. I was going to leave him. Yeah, I was all ready to leave. And then one afternoon, I was all alone in the house and I started looking at all the photos of you and your sister. And the house seemed so full of all of us.”

Isak now shed tears on his cheeks and he sobbed.

-„We were a family, Isak. And I realized in that moment that that was the most important thing in the world for me. And I couldn’t… I couldn’t. I could not go.”

“So, you just wasped it away?”

-„No. I choose to stay with him for all the things that he had done right and not to leave him for the one thing that he had done wrong. I chose to forgive him.”

Isak shook weakly his head. 

„Maybe Even was right. Maybe I can never figure out who I am when I am around all of you.“

\--

When Even walked home from work, he saw Isak sitting at his door and his heart stopped for a moment.

„Isak“

-„Hey“ Isak whispered.

„Is everything okay?” Even saw immediately if something was wrong with Isak, so he skipped the question and went to the next one.

“What happened?” 

-“Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah sure” Even mumbled. “You can always ask me everything.”

-“Did you know about my dad’s affair?”

“Yeah.. I knew.”

-“But- Why didn’t you tell me?”

“There were so many times that I almost did. But to drive you away from your family? That just felt wrong. I wanted your love … just not like that. I wanted to earn it.”

Isak nodded but then shook his head.

-„I just don’t think I can afford to lose them right now.”

“Then don’t.”

\--

Isak was bored with the law classes. He glances around him and observes the others hastily and hectically tapping on their laptops in front of them. Then he looked at his empty document in front of him. He had thought it would at least interest him a little, but it didn't. 

Instead, he went to the Internet and researched the human body structure. The organs and what functions they had. The diseases for which there were still no effective medications. He lost himself in the informations and frightened when all the students next to him suddenly made their way outside. The lecture was probably over.

… 

“Thanks for the lunch.”

-“No problem” Julian winked. –„Actually, there’s something that I wanted to tell you.”

“Yeah okay, go for it.”

Julian stopped and looked Isak directly in the eyes. 

-“Things are over with Max. I broke up with him.”

“No…” Isak mumbled “Why did you do that? I thought you were getting engaged?”

-“We were, but that was before you.”

“No, that was after me.”

Julian laughed. –“Okay, it was after you but it was before this. It was before the old you came back.”

Isak sighed and rubbed his hand over his eyes. 

„Julian, I’m not the old me. I’m just .. Isak. I’m just the me that’s trying to figure it out still.“

-“I understand, but, whichever it is, the old you or the new you, I don’t care. I know you remember what we were like together. I know you do. This is our chance to get that back. What we had was wonderful. We had wonderful memories and-“

“But those were… those are my only memories. Everything after you is erased. And I … I have to discover what it’s like to be without you, on my own.”

Julian no longer looked Isak in the eyes, but next to him into the emptiness.

-„Are you sure you don’t remember breaking up with me the first time?“ Julian asked.

Isak narrowed his eyes. “Why?” 

-„Because it sounded a hell of a lot like that.“

\--

Isak was sitting on a bench on campus waiting for his father. 

Bill arrived on time as usual and greeted Isak politely.

-„Hey, I was looking all over. I was worried when I didn’t see you outside the library. So … How’s that intellectual property class going?“ he asked and sat down beside Isak on a bench.

„Actually, I want to talk to you about that. I’ve decided to leave law school.” Bills His expression darkened, but Isak did not stop him from continuing. “And I’m gonna get an apartment in the city.“

-„Damn it, Isak. It’s happening all over again, isn’t it? I’ve made a lot of mistakes and I’m sorry but—“

Before he could talked any more, Isak interrupted him.

„Dad, this isn’t about you or anything you’ve done. This is about me. Who I want to be, who I am.”

-“Just tell me what to say, so I don’t lose you again.”

“You won’t, okay?” Isak offered a little smile and his father smiled back.

\--

Isak applied a few days later for medical school at UiO and was accepted the following week. 

When he unpacked his boxes in his new apartment, he discovered a creased sheet of paper in a carton box at the bottom. He frowned and folded the paper apart and began to read.

_Hey Even ♥ You're asleep at the moment, so I'll write you a letter so you can read it later at work and hopefully get a smile on your face. You know I'm not good at this kind of thing, but I'm just gonna try to be honest. How should I begin … I just don't know how I could have lived without you for so long. We are so different and yet soul mates. You're just my best friend and I love you more than you can imagine. You used to read me poems by old artists from a poetry book. Unfortunately, I don't know where it is anymore, otherwise I could have written you something more stylish, but I can still remember a sentence very well:_

_Ever thine. Ever mine. Ever ours._

Isak ran individual tears over her cheeks. There were so many feelings in him that he could not relate them all, but he knew one thing: He had to go to Even. 

…

Isak was waiting outside Even's door. It snowed and was bloody cold, but Isak felt nothing of all this.

When Even came around the corner shortly after five, his eyes got bigger.

„Hey, what are you doing here?”

-“I want—”

“Should we go drink a hot chocolate now when you are here and--“ Even blurted out.

Isak smirked. “Actually, I moved back here a few days ago so..”

“Really? That .. fuck that’s great Isak.”

-“Yeah” Isak smiled “And I’m back at the UiO, main subject medicine.”

Even blinked at him. “What? Are you kidding me?”

Isak giggled and shook his head.

„Wow, that’s amazing, Isak.“ Even smiled.

-„Yeah. So, thank you.” Isak smiled back.

“I didn’t do anything.”

-“You did everything. You accepted me for who I am, and not for what you wanted me to be.”

Even looked into Isaks green eyes.. “I just wanted you to be happy. That’s all.”

Isak beamed at Even and after a few seconds he cleared his throat.

-“Isn’t there some italien place around here where we used to go?”

“Yeah. It’s… Wait. You remember?”

-“No, no. I wish but … No, the memory stuff hasn’t come back, but I have… Jonas and I have been hanging out a little bit and I’ve been asking him about us.”

Even raised one brow and smiled widely. “Really? And what has he been saying?”

-“That he doesn’t think you’re seeing anyone right now.” Isak winked at him. 

_He winked._ Isak Valtersen was coming back. He came back to me.

„Yeah, he’s right.” Even laughed quietly. “And you? Are you seeing anyone?“

Isak shook his head with a wide smile. 

„That’s good.“ Even said.

-„So.. do you wanna go to that place now? With me?”

“Okay” Even said.

Isak smiled. -“Okay” 

Even took a step forward and capped Isaks cheeks with his hands. Isak leaned into his warm palms, enjoyed the touch of Evens thumb who stroke gently over his cheekbone.

And then there were cool, soft lips on his own. And all the hurt, the misunderstandings were suddenly out of Isak. 

The kiss was soft at first and then it built and built up in intensity. Isaks hands wrapped around Evens neck to pull him closer, instead Evens managed to glide under Isaks jacket to press against the hot skin which made Isaks gasps. 

-“Oh god, okay okay. We need to stop.” Isak broke away to catch breathe again and laughed.

Even smiled and stuck a curl behind Isak's ear.

-“Maybe we could also go to your place..” Isak mumbled and Even giggled.

“Maybe we should, yeah.” 

_Maybe one day, you will call it our place again._

**Author's Note:**

> I was thinking about maybe making a little second part? In their lifes a few months later?  
> Or do you have ideas for a second part?  
> _____________________________________________
> 
> let me know what you think of all this ♥


End file.
